Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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