was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
