I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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