Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
