what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
