smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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