If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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