in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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