After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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