Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
