NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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