On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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