Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
