Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
