when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
