When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
