So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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