Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
two words: eviction party
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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