my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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