If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
