There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
