I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
