i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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