Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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