i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
