i wish my penis had a tongue
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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