So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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