I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
