to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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