hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
