if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
