I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
we're so committed to being not committed
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
