My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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