blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I want her autograph on my taint
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
