the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
