I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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