He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
