K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
