i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
