im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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