fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
