I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
