I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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