she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
