i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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