You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
