I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
