I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
