just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
