Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
