i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
