My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
