I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
