I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
